This is just going to be a blog of feelings! I want this to be a journal of everything, so feelings also will be added.

I am going to be perfectly honest and say I feel like I want to quit trying! No matter what I do there is always a consequence of some sort.

Last night I was being a mom and standing up for one of my children and all I got was nasty text messages. The one thing that was said that really hurt the most was I need to act like an adult.  Now to me, being a mom is acting like an adult! The gospel and family are more important to me than anything else. Work, earthly things etc. , are some of things that come last on my list.  I don't understand how people can be so hurtful. I cried a lot last night. I'm seriously tired of worrying about everyone elses feelings, and walking on eggshells that when I finally put my foot down, it blows up! I am so not perfect I will never be, but what I said wasn't bad. Yes, I was upset and a WHOLE lot of other things went through my head to say or right, but I didn't.

Here is the kicker, I will be 40 and I am being told how to do things and to act like an adult from someone in their 20s. And while I am at it, another someone in their early 20s has accused me of being immature! I think being mature and being an adult IS standing up for your family in times of need!!!!

Now with all that venting done, I have to say that they are young and when they have children and their children are being hurt by others they will do the same things! They haven't gotten to that part of their lives yet. I am working on trying to feel better about them. It will take some time because of all the things that have been said besides the ones I wrote down. I don't like tohurt others, and sometimes I do not knowing I did, but I feel bad about it.   I hope that one day these young women will be able to think before speaking in such a harsh manner.  I really cared about them and maybe that is why it hurt me so deeply. I never ever want or wanted to hurt them. But I will stand up for my family if needs be!

i LOVE holding his hand...

Lately I have been so happy when I see couples holding hands, maybe they aren't even couples, but holding a friends hand or a child holding a parent or teachers hand. I love the way it looks and you know these people care for each other! It is so sweet.

I love the way Tom's hand feels holding mine. I feel a sense of security. he is strong spiritually and physically and I know if he is around i won't get hurt. I remember the first time holding his hand and I literally started having sweaty palms and my heart racing. It was like a statement that we were together. It was amazing! I love my eternal companion. i am grateful that he chose me to be with him always. I get to hold my best friend's hand through eternity. Nothing can get better than that!!!!

There are no words...

My Little Tauner

While at work yesterday I recieved a text from Shavaun that just said "I'm scared". I imediatly called her to see why she was scared and many things went through my head in literally 10 seconds. When she answered ( first of all I was sooo happy she answered), I asked her what was happening. She told me there had been a massive shooting where she goes to do her banking. The bank opened at 10 am and she was going to be there at 10 to withdraw her money. She ran a little late and as she arrived everything was surrounded and she couldn't get in. She had to stay in her car and keep driving.

A congresswoman was doing a meet and greet there at the store where the bank is located inside. A man came in and shot the Congress woman in the head and then just opened fire.  There were I think 4 died including a 9 year old girl and several were critical.

As I talked to Shavaun on the phone, I had to be the mom and act calm and tell her how grateful I was that she wasn't there. She called my mom to get directions how to get somewhere and it made me feel better that there was family close.

After I hung up the phone, I wanted to just fall to my knees and cry and thank Heavenly Father for sparing my daughters life.  I went numb just thinking about what could have happened but didn't. I immediatly wanted to drive to Arizona and bring her home where I knew she would be safe in the house and me watching her like a hawk!

It is so hard to watch your children grow up and leave. you literally have to leave them in gods hands and know that He is watching over them. My testimony is so much stronger knowing this and now being a witness to it. I am in great debt to Him. Words can't even express the feelings I have of gratitude, humbleness, and again great debt to Him.  I love you Shavaun Cortney! I am so grateful you are safe!!!! Heavenly Father knows each of us and watches over us, I have no doubt in my mind.

Shavaun with my nephew Samuel!!!! BIG Smiles!!!!!!

I am sorry for those families that are going through the harshness of all this right now. I can't even imagine what it would be like. My prayers and thoughts are with each of them at this time.

Let's get to the POINTE!

I know... 2 posts in one day! Crazy! But I wanted to have a special post for Rylee who just got her FIRST pair of Pointe shoes!!! We went out on Monday in the rain, and drove to Temecula for her "fitting"! She was so excited and I was a little teary cause this is my baby and this such a BIG step for her in dance!

They usually have to try on a lot of different pairs of shoes, but it took only one for Rylee. Just the size had to be adjusted, otherwise, it was pretty easy!

They have you ( actually it is Elaine from Strictly Workout Wear), have you do different excersizes to make sure that it is exactly right. And when you get toe shoes you sew on the ribbons and elastics to them and you need to have pads that your toes go in and then you put your foot inside the shoe. Rylee learned the way to do all this and recieved specific instructions that i know she will do!!!

Dance class with Miss Cheri. Also Taylor and Jean Marie are standing getting instructions with Rylee!!!!! GO GIRLS!

Rylee's first day of class was yesterday! Yes her feet hurt but she was and is s total trooper!!! 2 of her good friends got their shoes too so they were all in this together! They looked so youngand small. I am so very proud of my Rylee Bug!! She has worked so hard forthis and deserves it for sure!

My NEW Obsession...

Besides taking pictures and scrapbooking we can now add sewing to the mix of my obsessions!!! I am having so much fun!!!

I saw a friend of mine at the dance studio with a blanket for her little girl and i LOVED it! It was fluffy on one side and silky on the other! I asked her how to make blankets and she taught me! Thank you Shannon!  And then another friend, Tiffany took me with her to Joannes, the fabric store and I had a blast! i know it sounds really strange, but it really was fun. I don't know how many hours we were there, but it seemed not very long at all.  I loved how many materials and fabrics there are! And if you have a coupon, Tiffany is GREAT with coupons, the price is really not that expensive!

I am so excited to learn this new hobby! So excited that I made 11 blankets this year as gifts for Christmas!  I love the fun of having so many choices of materials and frabic to make blankets and be creative! I am so not the best at sewing but I am trying and having fun with it!

I was laughing cause the other day I went to sit down at my computer and was trying to find the foot peddle to sew.  And I can't go to stores that have fabric and not look at all of it. 

Today I went out again with Tiffany and she is going to teach me how to make Sock Monkeys!!!  Those are Hannah's favorite and I want to make her one for her birthday.  So today, we bought socks!!!! I'm excited to learn new things!

2011 is HERE!

I really LOVE this picture of the Temple! I have already posted a couple of goals for this next year but I have so many more!!!! I think I am going to overwhelm myself by trying to do all of them. So when I saw this picture it put a lot of things in perspective for me.  

I am the type that wants to make everyone happy and I don't want to be the cause of anyones unhappiness. My favorite "guide line" is The Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". This was instilled in me as a young child and my mom got me and my sisters the book "My Turn on Earth" then I was fortunate enough to go see the play when I was older. It's about where we were before we came to Earth and how we lived with Heavenly Father and Mother and we chose to come here and strive to be more like Him. There is a song about the Golden Rule that always stuck with me. It is so cute but makes you think. Part of it is, "Would you like that to be smashed flat as a mat by a GREAT BIG CAT,? The Golden Rule says "No", But would like to lay in his lap as he petted your fur to make you purrr, the Golden Rule says "Yes".   The chorus of this says, "Even though it doesn't show, there is a Golden Rule inside of you, It says, "Do unto others as you would have others do  to  you!"

I know I am not perfect and I surely will NEVER be. I have so much to work on. Sometimes, oh who am I kidding, all the time I don't want others thinking I am trying to do anything negative. It seem to me the harder I try the worse I do. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just trying to figure out a way to do things better.

The Temple is so beautiful. I love lighthouses and what they represent. The Temple is like a Lighthouse to me. It shines brightly and shows me the way. At times it feels like I am walking through a thick forest with so many of the negative and busy things the world has for us/me. With maybe moving, money, raising children, always trying to do what is right with family members, jobs, callings, and just normal activities that need to be done, (That list can go on FOREVER!), I need to look past the "thicket" and find the light that shines and stay on the path towards that beautiful building of light!

So with all my goals and ideas of what I want to do this 2011 year I need to "Simplify". With each thing or situation that comes my way, I need to think before reacting and just do the best I can with it. And have , hopefully, no regrets later and just be happy that I tried. Heavenly father knows my heart and I need to please Him.

These are my thoughts to start off this year. The end of 2010, I won't lie, has been difficult but I am ready to take on 2011 with a better attitude and to look for the blessings in the midst of trials that i am sure are to come. Trials make us stronger!!!!!